Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
