Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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