shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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