nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
