guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize