Well douche your snatch and let's go!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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