mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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