Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
