I wish I could punch you in the face.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
