Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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