so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
