I can feel you judging me through the phone.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
