he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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