So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
