what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
