After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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