dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
