dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Duck Duck Cougar?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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