i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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