There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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