I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
id be glad to
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
