fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
