You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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