ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize