I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
