Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If I die, sorry about rent.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
