they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
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I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
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I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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