My underwear smells like fireworks.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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