U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
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and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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