one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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