tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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