Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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