I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
