Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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