well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
