Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
