Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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