this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
