whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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