zippers are such a cool invention
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
