I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
