took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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