Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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