I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
