If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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