i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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