walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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