cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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