he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
