so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
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So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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