And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
