I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this boner is exhausting
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
