He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
