I heard we made out
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
