You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
