a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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