when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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