I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
