i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
