yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
