I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
