she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
