:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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