Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
