I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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