I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
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Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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